LONGFELLOW CABRERA

     One of my most awesome friends on the planet, Susan, sent me this story this morning and said for some reason, she thought of me. To that, I say, "Thank you, Susan!" That being said; who knew having the world's largest penis would be such a drag? Ask the new world record holder for having the longest penis, Roberto Esquivel Cabrera. 

     The 52-year-old Mexican measured in at a whopping 18.9 inches, with a tip circumference of 10 inches (what the hell?), all of which was certified by World Record Academy officials on Sunday. Cabrera was seeking recognition by Guinness Book of World Records, but had to settle for the less famous, World Record Academy because, get this, Guinness confirmed that it had no category for penis size. 

     The World Record Academy stepped right in after Mr. Cabrera shared his story with a local journalist. He told the journalist how his massive member ruined his life, preventing him from having a relationship and even getting a job. He actually showed the journalist, "Look where it is, it goes far below the knees. I cannot do anything. I cannot work. I am disabled so I want authorities to declare me as a disabled person and give me support." I feel Cabrera's pain, but he's wrong! He can work! I'm almost positive a porn company would be more than happy to pay him to be on film. Plus, he would be having sex with various women, so he'd be killing two birds with one stone. Unless, of course, he's just that lazy and doesn't want to work. 

     Women were too frightened to have sex with him, so he had never had a long-term girlfriend, let alone a wife. In 2011, Mr. Cabrera was deported from the U.S. to Saltillo in the north-eastern part of Mexico, where he lives alone in a room that his brothers gave him. He survived on social assistance and scavenges for food and materials on waste dumps. He has no friends and say people "shun" him wherever he goes. You would think he was Frankenstein or something. I kind of feel bad for Mr. Cabrera. He was born with a boa in his pants and is not using it to its full potential. Instead, he seems to be playing the martyr. Then again, based on this x-ray photo, the penis does look rather deformed. It almost looks like the Elephant Man of penises. The x-ray photo was taken, before his record was made official, to support his application for disability. I have to be honest; before I realized this was an x-ray, I thought it was a map showing where Cabrera was from. Just sayin'!

     Some experts have suggested Cabrera consider a shaft reduction operation, but it's not clear what his thoughts are on the subject. The previous record holder for penis length was an American named Tim Louie.....Just kidding! Johan Falcon, who hung around about 13.38 inches, which was still dwarfed by Cabrera's manhood. Some guys might say that they wished for Cabrera's problems, but would you really? I mean 19 inches is a little much. Don't you think? If I was him, I would highly consider trimming down that shaft. This is no way to live. Thanks again, Susan, for thinking of me! Haha!

DR. FRANKENPENIS

     I wanted to start today's blog off by saying that I hope we never see what happened to that reporter and cameraman in Roanoke, VA live on TV ever again. That was pretty disturbing and my heart goes out to their families. When reporters are out in the field like that every day, they are certainly in harms way. Unfortunately, in this case, it was a disgruntled former employee, who actually filmed a point-of-view version of the shooting and posted it before he offed himself. It just goes to show you how sick we are becoming as a society and it's sad. 

     That being said, if you're in the market for a penis enlargement (which for the record, I am not), I wouldn't hire these two idiots. They are two unlicensed doctors from Miami, who are facing charges for performing botched surgeries on a man's penis leaving it mutilated. Don't worry. You can read forward. I have no pictures of the mutilated penis...yet! 

     A Miami judge charged 48-year-old Nery Carvajal-Gonzalez for unlicensed health care causing serious injury. She was arrested this week after landing at Miami International Airport and is being held on $100,000 bond. Carvajal-Gonzalez allegedly operated on her victim, an unnamed 55-year-old hair stylist, several times before she performed the bungled penis enlargement. She gave the man cosmetic facials and injected filler into his buttocks to enhance their shape. The victim paid Carvajal-Gonzalez $2500 for the butt injection and though, investigators said, "there was a hole in his buttocks that fluid was leaking from," the man decided to go forward with the penis enlargement surgery anyway. So, wait! This chick screws up one procedure on you and you ask her to perform another? I'm not sure that this is entirely her fault then. 

     In February, Carvajal-Gonzalez allegedly put an implant in the man's penis to make it longer and thicker, but the fillers she used, permanently disfigured the man. According to the warrant, the man's penis was now incredibly small, yet very swollen and the skin around the shaft had been removed and was raw. Um, I'm kind of glad there are no photos of this Frankenpenis on the internet anywhere...yet!

     The man was desperate for a repair of the botched surgery that Carvajal-Gonzalez took him to meet Mark Schreiber, a fake doctor known as "Dr. Mark," at a warehouse in Hialeah, Florida. Schreiber had already spent two years in jail back in 2008 for performing unlicensed plastic surgeries. The man reportedly paid Schreiber $1000 to get Carvajal-Gonzalez's implant removed. After the procedure, the man removed his bandages to find that his penis had been mutilated even further than it already was. The man asked Schreiber about it, who responded that the look was normal and then stopped answering the man's phone calls.

     Schreiber was picked up earlier this month and charged with unlicensed health care causing serious injury. He's reportedly being held without bond. The victim says he's permanently disfigured and can't have sex. He also feels no sensation when he urinates and suffers from painful "spontaneous erections." Ouch! Well, I wish I knew who this guy was because I know of a guy who now has a bionic penis after his penis was mutilated when he was 6. (blog from two days ago reference.) I'd love to introduce him to that doctor. People are so messed up! It's sad. 

WHAT A MOROON!

     There were a couple of stories I wanted to write about today including the one where Snooki's husband, Jionni being linked to an Ashley Madison account. Then I figured, why waste my time writing about Snooki? Besides...this story really cracked me up!

     So, if you're going to get revenge on an ex, make sure you use spellcheck. At least, 20-year-old Shannon Csapilla from Connecticut, should have used it anyway because her victims ended up getting the last laugh in this story. The vengeful Csapilla was busted for allegedly keying two cars with the word "wore," which apparently was her failed attempt at spelling the word, "whore" into their cars. 

     It didn't end there either. Csapilla bit back at critics via Instagram on Tuesday posting, "Don"t worry, I'm not an English major" while acknowledging that what she did "wasn't okay." What an idiot! Um, spelling is a third grade issue, stupid! Being an English major has nothing to do with spelling the word "whore" wrong! Csapilla is the epitome of your stereotypical dumb blonde, who I might not even throw out of bed. Then again, she might be too dumb to even get into bed. 

      After keying the cars and slashing their tires, Stamford police say Csapilla sent the owners of the vehicles, identified as an ex-boyfriend and a friend, harassing text messages. Some of the texts even admitted to causing the damage on the vehicles, which allegedly was an act of revenge for a relationship she suspected the couple was having. Csapilla was called into the police department for questioning and on her way out supposedly sent a boastful Snapchat message to a friend reading, "Stamford police have nothing on me!" Um, they do now!

     She also suggested receiving special treatment while being questioned. She tweeted, "At least the boys were nice enough to buy me dinner in there" along with a emoji pictures of a cop car and French fries. Thanks to her own big-mouthed Tweets, Csapilla was arrested and charged with two counts of first degree criminal mischief. In her statement on Tuesday, she asked that her punishment be handled by local authorities and not by "the general public." This girl is a moron! Whomever ends up dating this girl after all this; good luck to you! You have a real winner on your hands with a brain the size of a pea. She is definitely easy on the eyes, but that's about it. Her punishment should be to sit through the third grade all over again so she can learn how to spell.

POOP FLAVORED CURRY

     To know me, is to know that I have an obsession with poop and all things about pooping. Hence, the book I wrote, S**T Happens, now available on Amazon.com with #2 now being written. Anyway, if there was any restaurant that desired "crappy" reviews, it's Curry Shop Shimizu in Tokyo, Japan.

     The eatery opened earlier this month with the house specialty being "poo-flavored curry." Yup! That is what is pictured here. Just to be fair, though, the dish doesn't contain any actual poop, just natural ingredients like green tea, bitter gourd and cocoa powder, which when combined, looks and tastes similar to human defecation. Okay, I do not want to know how the original writer of this story even knows what human defecation tastes like. I said that I was obsessed with poop! I never said I wanted to know what it tasted like. 

     To enhance the illusion, the poop curry is served in a porcelain bowl and mean to resemble a bedpan. The poo-flavored curry is the brainchild of executive chef Ken Shimizu, who designed the crappy dish to remind people of his other line of work as a male porn actor who has eaten feces in some of his films. Ew! That's like one boy, one bowl. (Two girls-one cup reference.) 

      None of the Japanese publications reporting on the poo curry have actually said that it tastes like crap, but even if the food is better than it looks, sounds or smells, Curry Shop Shimizu will have an uphill battle to fight convincing customers to have a bite of the dung replication. The restaurant's own market research suggests that 85 percent of people would never go based on the description of the food, which doesn't at all mean that poop doesn't have a place at the restaurant table. 

     Toilet-themed restaurants where guests sit on toilets and eat non-poop-flavored dishes out of bedpans are popular all over Asia, and is starting to bloom here in the U.S. Well, that explains my fetish with poop! In October 2013, the Magic Restroom Cafe opened it's doors in the City of Industry, California, where it sells appetizing menu items like "golden poop rice," a "black poop" chocolate sundae, "smells-like-poop" braised pork over rice," and a "bloody number two" which is a vanilla-strawberry sundae. These restaurants sounds like a lot of fun. I wouldn't go there on a first date, but it could be fun for the whole family! I was just wondering, though; why is there no corn in any of these recipes? Isn't corn a staple with poop? That would make it even more disgusting to eat. After researching, it seems Magic Restroom Cafe has closed its doors. Oh poop!

MAN WITH THE BIONIC PENIS

     This question is for my brethren out there. Can you imagine growing up without a penis because you lost it in some sort of accident when you were younger? I know, right? My penis has gotten me through some rough times and through some of the most amazing times in my life. I can't say the same for Mohammed Abad (pictured). 

     You see, Abad is a 43-year-old virgin from Edinburgh, Scotland, who lost all of his genitals when he was hit by a car and dragged about 600 feet when he was 6-years-old. Thirty-seven years later, Abad has a new lease on life, and maybe even sex, after surgeons at University College London gave him an 8-inch bionic penis. First of all, that's very generous to give a man who had nothing. Second of all, a bionic penis? What? Apparently, using a button in his scrotum, Abad can now inflate his new manhood with fluids from an implant in his belly. He told a news source, "When you want a bit of action you press the 'on' button, and when you are finished, you press another button. (My guess is the ejaculation button?) It takes seconds." I have to admit; if I ever had a bionic penis, I might have that switch set to 'on' all the time. 

     It took doctors three years and dozens of operations to craft and attach a new member, which was molded by using skin grafts from his arm. The final operation took about 11 hours. Now, Abad is said to be looking for love. He said, "Some ladies might want to try it out." I'm sure once some women find out about his bionic penis, they're going to want to go for a test drive. I wonder, though, does his bionic penis get the same feelings a real penis feels? Also, does he need to wear a condom? Or is his bionic penis totally disease free? Just a thought.

     In 2013, Abad appeared on a news segment called "Embarrassing Bodies," where he said that the "penis" he had after an accident, which was a little over 2 inches, was completely numb. Of course, Abad's not the first person to get this new sense of pride. According to Reuters, an unidentified South African man received the world's first penis transplant last year and is doing well. He's even expecting a child, so the future looks bright for Abad. All kidding aside, this is great for Abad. It's great that he gets to feel whole again and he gets to enjoy the fruits that having a penis gives a man. This is a pretty amazing story and I would be lying if I wasn't curious as to what a bionic penis looked like. 

WHO NEEDS UNIVERSAL STUDIOS?

     Last year, my wife and I visited Universal Orlando for the first time in years. One of the themes at the popular movie theme park was a recreation of Springfield, home of The Simpsons. As huge fans of The Simpsons TV show, my wife and I had a blast in this area of the park.

     A Canadian couple decided to take their love of the classic animated TV show one step further. Superfans Marcia Andreychuk and Joel Hamilton decided to recreate the kitchen of 742 Evergreen Terrace in their own home, so they can live like The Simpsons. That is awesome! 

     The Canadian couple have painstakingly made over their kitchen to honor their animated heroes by replicating every last detail of the kitchen. Andreychuk told a news source, "I'm attracted to the quirky! One day we had this bizarre idea to take what we already had and turn it into The Simpsons kitchen. It's not like we're ripping the kitchen apart and putting a ton of money into it. We're taking what's already here and adding color basically."

     Andreychuk, who is from Calgary, has covered their appliances to match Marge's color scheme and has been creating the replica by recycling many of the materials. Even the iconic corncob curtains are in their kitchen, as are the eye-catching floor tiles. The couple can't get enough of Homer and his family's antics and Hamilton even said, "Every winter I watch every single episode that's been released. The Simpsons for me is actually a baby blanket. If I'm not feeling very well, if I'm depressed, if I have a bad day, I come home and pop The Simpsons on and I'm 10-years-old all over again and everything is alright."

     That is so awesome! Now, if I can only convince my wife to turn our basement into the Bat Cave from the 1970s TV series; that would be amazing! That's not likely to happen, but this Simpsons kitchen thing is still cool as hell! It must be so much fun to have dinner at their house!

 

WEIRD SCIENCE

     Before I tell you what this photo is of, do you remember when I wrote about the Ashley Madison hackers a few weeks back? Well, all of you cheaters deserved what you got yesterday. I'm guessing that we'll see the divorce rate grow a little in the next few weeks.

     Now, that I got that out of the way, today's story is one of those "WTF"-moments. I could tell you right off the bat what this is a photo of, but you might throw your breakfast up and stop reading the rest of this blog. So, you'll just have to learn what it is by reading.

     So, a British woman was shocked when doctors discovered a mass on her ovary was actually her "unborn twin" that had been growing inside her for her entire life. Yup! That's a photo of her "unborn twin." 45-year-old Jenny Kavanagh was worried she might have cancer when doctors spotted a 10 cm mass growing in her left ovary and warned her that it could rupture and kill her. Kavanagh was horrified when surgeons realized the mass was her undeveloped, unborn twin that had grown inside of her since birth - complete with a face, an eye, tooth and long black hair. (That is what is pictured! You're welcome!)

      Kavanagh said, "It's difficult to describe how I felt when I saw it. I felt shocked, very scared, horrified and it felt like an alien was inside me." Medics discovered the growth after Kavanagh, who is from Twickenham, south London, had an ultrasound when she went to have a contraceptive coil implanted. After tests proved inconclusive, Kavanagh then had a three-hour procedure to remove the mass five years ago at The Mediterranean Hospital of Cyprus, where she lives now. 

     Kavanagh said in an interview, "It is possible that there were twin embryos and one enveloped the other. The fact that it had long black hair just, just like me, a face, with one eye and one baby tooth, makes it more believable." The mother of two admitted she has never visited an OBGYN, but had no problems with either of her pregnancies. She continued, "If I'm honest, I did feel sad when I first saw it, because of the size and weight of it, it had already been likened to a baby. But I try not to feel sad about it. I try to remember that it had no heart and no brain. And that it would have almost certainly killed me if they hadn't found it and removed it.

     Kavanagh, who has since made a full-recovery, said her mother was also upset by the revelation and said, "She saw it as her unborn child, and my unborn twin." The whole thing is kind of sad, but also kind of gross. As I said earlier, chalk this up to one of those "WTF"- moments! Here's a weird question though; if you had sex with Kavanagh, while she still had her twin inside of her, did you technically have a threesome? Don't blame me! It's the way my mind thinks!

PISSED OFF!

     I always thought that senior citizens and kids get away with everything. Not in this instance! In this case, both senior citizen and kid got away with nothing! 

     This is 84-year-old Charles Weatherford from Evansville, Indiana. He's facing battery charges after police said he dumped a bowl filled with urine over the head of a teenage boy. If you ask me, he's a hero! I'm sorry if you have one, but for the most part, teenage boys are trouble making, pretentious little douchebags and this kid probably deserved it. Unfortunately, police did not see it that way and arrested the senior citizen on Saturday afternoon after he reportedly got into an argument with a 13-year-old boy over some smashed bricks on his property. 

     The teen told police that the argument boiled over when Weatherford poured pee on him from the second floor of his Evansville home. Police responded to a 911 call from Weatherford about the vandalism and filled out a criminal damage report at his home. According to a police report, there was "a strong odor of urine" outside his home, but "were unable to determine the source."

     They found one possible explanation when the boy's mother called the police to report that her son had been "assaulted with bodily waste." When officers questions the old man again, they said he admitted becoming angry when the 13-year-old called him names. He also admitted that "he did sometimes keep of bowl of urine on his balcony for self-defense." I know it sounds gross, but I love it! So, basically, the old man defends himself and his house with a bowl of urine! Who needs home security when you have piss-security? That's amazing! 

     It is unknown whether the alleged urine in the bowl belonged to the old man or an animal. Weatherford has been charged with battery by communicable bodily fluid and waste, a felony and battery on a victim under the age of 14. He is free on $750 bail with a court appearance scheduled for August 19. Yes, I did say the kid did not get away with anything either. He was pissed on! How can it get any worse than that! 

     I feel the charges on Weatherford are a little harsh since he was protecting his home. The kid needs to learn to behave better. Blame that on bad parenting. Why would he need to be on the old man's property in the first place unless he was picking on the old man. Hence, the old man protecting himself. If the mother would have kept her 13-year-old in check, he would have never been peed on. It didn't sound like Weatherford was picking fights with kids walking up and down the block. They were vandalizing his propoerty. Keep your kids in check!

HE WAS ORDERED TO MARRY THIS GIRL BY THE COURT

     Now, I've heard of arranged marriages before, but in other cultures. This story is not really about an arranged marriage, but it's about a forced marriage. 

     A group that advocates the separation of church and state has filed a complaint about a Texas judge, who ordered a man to marry his girlfriend as a condition of his probation. Yes! I said as a condition of his probation. What in the world is happening to this country?

     The Freedom From Religion Foundation said on Friday that it filed the complaints against Smith County Court-at-law Judge Randall Rogers a day earlier with the Texas State Commission on Judicial Conduct in Austin, Texas. On July 2, Rogers gave 21-year-old Josten Bundy 30 days to marry 19-year-old Elizabeth Jaynes or face a 15-day jail sentence for pleading guilty to a misdemeanor assault charge. Bundy admitted to punching Jayne's ex-boyfriend twice in the jaw for "saying disrespectful things" about her. Rogers also ordered Bundy to scrawl a Bible verse 25-times daily. Rogers was nowhere to be found for comment and Bunday and Jaynes have been married ever since. 

     Now, here's my take on this. Stating the obvious, this judge had no right to order this kid to marry this young lady as part of his probation. Since Texas is more of a conservative state, I was a little surprised by the judge's communist actions. I was also surprised at the forceful scrawling of the Bible. Isn't there a little something in our Constitution called Freedom of Religion? This young couple might have been heading down the road of marriage and they do, in fact, look happy in this photo, but they should not have been forced into it. Who knows they might break up in a couple of years and now, she'll get half of everything. That's so unfair! This judge had no right and I hope he gets a punishment equivalent to something like this. Only he has to marry his dog or something!

THE WEDDING RINGERS

     My friend, Ramona, posted this article on Facebook the other day and I found it pretty interesting since I'd just watched that Kevin Hart movie, The Wedding Ringer. If you haven't seen it; when Josh Gad's character is about to get married, he realizes he has no friends to be in his wedding party. So, he hires Kevin Hart, who is a professional "Best Man" and gets hired to be a Best Man when the Groom doesn't have one. Little did he know, he would need to hire the whole wedding party. Being a newlywed of eight months with a big family and lots of friends, I didn't quite have this problem and neither did my wife. According to the article Ramona posted, though, this seems to be a "thing" in South Korea. 

     Weddings and baby showers are considered real-life milestones to spend with your actual loved ones. In South Korea, however, a cottage industry exists to help people find fake friends to fill seats at such life rituals. That is so sad. Just keep it a small wedding, right? 

     At a June wedding, a woman named Kim Seyeon showed up as a guest even though she was a total stranger to the bride and groom. She makes about $20 per wedding she attends as a pretend friend. She says, "When it's the peak wedding season in Korea, sometimes I do two or three acts a day every weekend." As a role player, she's part of an agency that casts her to attend weddings all over Korea. At this wedding, at least 30 of the guests are getting paid to fill the seats. That is nuts! I remember when we were wedding planning, we were happy if people couldn't make it because that was one less head we had to account for. Kim continued, "It's a lot of fun. A lot of the times, couples need these guests because they want to save face. They're conscious of what others think, and they need more friends. So Brides are very thankful for my presence."

     "Wedding guest rentals started in the late 1990s and in the early 2000s, broader role-playing rentals began," says Lee Hyun-su, who runs a South Korean casting agency called Role Rental 1-1-9. He keeps a database of 20,000 actors, ages 21 to 70, whom he places to work in real-life situations like fake bosses, fake parents, fake mistresses, you get the idea. 

     I bet it will be just a matter of time before this practice starts happening here in America. Then again, we think differently here in America also. Like I said earlier, one less person is one less person you have to pay for. I'm guessing these actors also don't have to bring a gift since they technically don't even know the couple getting married. If this did happen in America though, I highly doubt that $20 would be a sufficient payment for any actors. That price would have to get jacked up, but then again, they're getting a free dinner out of it and a free night out. This could work! Just saying!

DOUBLE BREAST-FED

     Just when I thought I'd seen it all; I cannot unsee this. Talk about double-breasting! I'm just going to get right into this one. 

     So, a Pennsylvania mom, Jessica Colletti says she loves breast-feeding so much , she's doing it twice. That's not so bad, right? Yeah, if it was for her own children! Only one of the kids is hers. She's also breast-feeding her friend's kid and the friend liked the plan so much, she moved in with Colletti and her husband. Okay, all together now...."What the Hell?" Colletti said, "It seemed like the natural thing to do because I was already breast-feeding my son." Yeah, YOUR son! It's not natural to feed someone else's son, you psycho!

     The milky situation started last year after Colletti met Charlie Interrante at a magazine photo shoot for new mothers and Interrante mentioned her trouble nursing her son, Mateo, who is now 18 months old. Interrante was not able to pump her own breast milk for Mateo at her job as a barber and Mateo had trouble digesting formula. Colletti offered to feed him along with her own son, Lucian, who is now 16 months old, and the women became inseparable ever since. The babies too. Um, I'm not sure but isn't 16 and 18 months a little old to still be breast-feeding? I looked up the average age to stop breast-feeding and it said 2 to 3 years old, but I think that even that is too old. I think my sister stopped breast-feeding her kids before they were even one-year-old. 

     Colletti gloated, "They're milk brothers...They will always have that bond." That is disgusting! I'm all for breast-feeding when it's your OWN child! Colletti nearly broke the Internet on Saturday when she posted a photo of herself feeding the boys on the blog Mama Bean. One commenter posted, "This looks like a porn film." Another wrote, "OH GOOD GRIEF! What the HELL is wrong with people?!?!?!" Some local moms thought the concept of double-breastfeeding was beautiful, but for your own kids. 

     Colletti insists there's nothing sexual about the "family unit" Interrante, herself and her IT consultant husband Ben have created in their Conshohocken, PA home. She says that critics are just misinformed because they wrongly sexualize breast-feeding. Um, no! It's not natural for a complete stranger to be drinking your breast milk! The whole idea is just insane!

      According to Interrante, the arrangement is only about chore-sharing and child-raising and she's grateful for the help. Sure! Let your nanny breast-feed your child! I still don't understand the logic! I will say this again; I have nothing against breast-feeding. I think it's a beautiful part of life, but when you're breast-feeding someone else's child, there is something severely wrong with that. I'm dying to read your thoughts on this.

WHAT'S BEHIND DOOR NUMBER 2?

     This exhibit is too funny to not share with you. Plus, I couldn't really find anything in the news that really made me chuckle the way this article did. So, did you ever want to walk through an anal cavity? Good! Neither have I, but if you did want to, you'd be able to in Japan at the Karada no Fushigi Daibouken, which translates to "The Mysterious Great Adventure of the Body." It's a science exhibit that lets you enter the human body through the anus and learn something as well. Enter at your own risk! Can you imagine walking in through the anus as it emits a gas that smells like a fart? That would be amazing!

     I'm not going to lie. I think I would walk through it. The exhibit, which is put on by Tokyo TV, lets kids explore the intricacies of the human body from the nose to the nethers, and learn about gross stuff, such as where poop comes from. The best thing would be seeing chocolate churning in the stomach area as if it really were poop. According to the video below it looks like a lot of fun. The exhibit only runs in Japan until August 22. So if you're in Japan, check this out. If not, here is the video:  

WOULD YOU LIKE TO PARTAKE IN SOME BED BUGS?

     So, I was at band rehearsal last night when my drummer, Steve says to me, "You should write about those kids getting high on bed bugs for your next blog!" I immediately stopped whatever it was I was doing and turned to him and asked, "Um, what?" So, he explained it to me and I was absolutely blown away! What the hell is going on with the world as we know it? 

     I had to dive in and learn more about this. Apparently, an article about this trend came out in April of 2014, but I never saw it until now. Just when we thought that the youth of today couldn't get any more stupid, they come up with a new, and I wish I could say amazing, way to get high, rewriting the definition of "probably a bad idea." The fad originated in Arizona, my favorite state in the U.S., where a group of bored kids thought up the bright idea of capturing bed bugs, crushing up the bodies and inserting the body parts into bongs or hookas. Once the body parts were in place, the kids lit the bongs up and inhaled the fumes created by the burning pieces of bed bug body parts. First of all, that is gross! Secondly, that is gross!

     The kids who have taken up this fad swear that inhaling the smoke from the bed bug pieces have brought on visual and auditory hallucinations, much like what one would experience if they took acid, which is an amazing experience. From what I hear. A friend told me. I swear! 

     Bed bugs are known in the scientific community to secrete an active hallucinogenic chemical, that produces a feeling once ingested, that one user said resembles "walking on wet concrete." That's almost like a mushroom trip. I mean....That's what my friend told me. I swear! As I was saying the fad's beginning is speculated to have occurred when some teens with bed bugs in their homes decided to research the creatures online, when he coincidentally discovered that the insects contain a hallucinogenic chemical and then figured he'd try it.

     There are those who believe this is just a fad, while some claim the story is fake to create a public outrage, but there are investigative reports that have witnessed children on the streets smoking what they believed were bed bugs proving that this phenomenon is far from "fake." Plus, my drummer, Steve told me about it, so it must be true! Regardless, this is one of the strangest and most disgusting way to get a cheap high! If we're being honest here, I'm a little curious! I think I would try it just to see if it actually works. Does anyone have any bed bugs? Can you imagine? Quick! Call my dealer and get me a quarter of the bed bugs! No way! 

CHECKMATE ON FAST FOOD!

     A few weeks back, I mentioned that I no longer ate fast food because of it's nutritional value or lack there of. In that same blog, I mentioned that there was a fried mouse found in someone's bucket of chicken at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Well, maybe today's blog will swear you off of fast food forever because not only is the food not healthy for you, but apparently, the workers behind the counter are not healthy for you either. By the way, I'm in no way a health food advocate. I still eat like crap. I just don't eat the fast food crap unless I'm in a real rush or I enjoy sitting on the bowl a few times a day. 

     Anyway, a video surfaced online of a Checkers employee wiping a hamburger bun across the kitchen floor before using it to make a sandwich. Well, that video has obviously gone viral, drawing ire and disgust from fast food diners, as you would believe it would have. The video allegedly filmed at a Baltimore-area location last month, was posted online this past Tuesday. By this morning, it racked up more than 500,000 views on Facebook. In the video, an unidentified employee drops the bun on the ground and rubs it on the tiled floor. Then, she picks it back up and smears sauce and pickles on it. I want to throw up just envisioning this. Take a look at the video for yourself:


     Checkers' senior vice president for human resources, Lori Malcolm responded with a video of her own insisting  the tainted burger was never served to a customer and claimed the employees made the video was a joke. In the response video, which was released on Wednesday, Malcolm also stated the workers involved in the clip are no longer employed at the suburban Baltimore burger joint. She said, "I, like you, am appalled and disappointed by what I saw in that video. We spoke to the employee in the video and her mother, and the employee is very sorry and embarrassed about what happened." Is she embarrassed because she got caught? I thought she didn't really use the bun. This video is all I needed to see to never, not only eat at a Checkers ever again, but any fast food restaurant ever again. You just can't trust kids handling your food.

     Checkers said it is continuing to investigate the incident. Here is a video of the Lori Malcom's response: 

BITING OFF MORE THAN HE CAN CHEW

     I was going to write about this synthetic marijuana that is bought in bodegas in New York City that apparently turns you into a violent super-human. Allegedly, police have no way of controlling users of this synthetic drug they are now calling "weaponized marijuana." I was going to write about that until this story popped up again. I saw this over the weekend and thought this was perfect for my blog because to my knowledge no one has ever attempted this before and I believe I've already written about synthetic marijuana. 

     So, anyway, a Florida man suspected of stealing a Mercedes Benz chewed off the tips of his fingers to avoid being fingerprinted. Yes, he literally chewed off his fingertips. 20-year-old Kenzo Roberts was arrested last Thursday after deputies for the Lee County Sheriff's Office, spotted a 2015 Mercedes that had been reported stolen. Investigators quickly discovered Roberts was using a fake ID, and was carrying a concealed firearm and three fraudulent credit cards. 

     Roberts was placed in the back of the cop car. While he was waiting, disturbing surveillance video shows that he didn't want to get fingered for the crime, so he started chewing off his fingerprints. That is insane! Not to mention, it sounds painful. The footage shows Roberts gnawing at his fingertips, swallowing the flesh and rubbing his hands against a cage in the back. 

     Unfortunately for Roberts, his act of self-mutilation and cannibalism did not work. When officers scanned his fingerprints, they discovered he had two felony warrants linked to an aggravated arrest with a deadly weapon charge in Broward County. Ah, technology! Roberts was charged with three counts of possession of a counterfeit credit card, grand theft auto, possession of a concealed firearm, possession of similitude of a driver's license, driving with a suspended license and giving false identification to law enforcement. Officers also said that Roberts was in the country illegally and the Border Patrol had been contacted. He remains in custody at the Lee County Jail on $220,000 bond. 

     Do I really need to point his out? Once again, a crazy in FLORIDA! I love visiting, but not sure it's a place to raise a family unless you want to raise to be crazy. I mean this guy goes to jail, now he might be deported and he has no fingertips! Was it all worth it? Moron!

DEPUTY DOUCHEBAG

     The past couple of news days have been really slow when it came to weird news, but this one really bothered me. So, a Kentucky deputy handcuffed two elementary school students with disabilities for misbehaving in school, and he ignored one boy's distressed cries of pain as he slapped the cuffs on him, according to a new lawsuit. 

     The American Civil Liberties Union filed a lawsuit against Kenton County Deputy Sheriff Kevin Sumner on Monday over the two cuffings in 2014. On both occasions, the officer restrained the kids by forcing their tiny arms behind their backs and locking the handcuffs around their biceps because the children were too small to wear handcuffs on their wrists. Why would he put handcuffs on them at all? They're kids! Not criminals. If you ask me, this is just another form of bullying. Not to mention the handcuffs around the biceps do look pretty painful. 

     Video footage from 2014 showed Sumner, a school resource officer assigned to the Covington Independent Public Schools, shackling a crying 8-year-old boy who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, which makes it difficult for him to focus or control his impulses. That is sad. How can any human being be okay with treating a child with disabilities or not like this. In the video, Sumner asked the boy, identified only as S.R. in the suit, to sit down. When the third-grader didn't do as he was told, the deputy pulled out the cuffs. S.R. yelled "God! Ow, that hurts!" as Sumner locked on the handcuffs. S.R. was kept in the cuffs for about 15 minutes, according to school records. Seven minutes of that time was caught on camera and the footage showed the boy howling in pain, kicking his feet and fidgeting in his seat. Sumner claims he cuffed the boy after S.R. tried to hit him. HE'S AN 8-YEAR-OLD BOY! It doesn't hurt! Sumner said in the video, "You don't get to swing at me like that. You can do what we tell you to, or you can suffer the consequences."

     Earlier that year, Sumner handcuffed a 9-year-old girl, who also suffered from ADHD in a similar fashion. This can't be how they do things down in Kentucky. If you ask me, handcuffs are for criminals and so the officers can contain them. They are not contain kids. You put them in the corner or you send them to the principals office. Or you can even send them home. Let their parents handle them. If this was my child, I would be pretty pissed that someone, other than me, was handling my child like this. I'm sensing Sumner is someone who has no children in his life, has no compassion for children and he has a small penis (as my wife said about the Dentist who killed Cecil the Lion). That is the only explanation I can give for his actions. 

WATCH THE VIDEO HERE: