FEMALE MASTURBATION HAS A NEW NAME

     If you ask me, masturbation is masturbation. It has not gender. According to Sweden, however, female masturbation needed a new name and that name is "Klittra." It combines the words "clitoris" and "glitter" in an effort to encourage a positive outlook on women's sexual pleasure. Now, I'm not sure what glitter has to do with masturbating or pleasure, but that name is kind of stupid! Don't you think? Besides, masturbating with glitter would just be too messy!

     In 2014, the Swedish Association for Sexuality Education declared a need for more open dialogue about women and masturbation. They said, "When it comes to masturbation, people mostly think about just men doing it and we don't think of it as common for women. If we don't have a word in the language, how can we even talk about it?" That's where they're wrong! What about the phrases "Flicking the Bean" or "Finger popping"? Those aren't ways to describe female masturbation? Then again, if my wife said to me, "I was flicking the bean last night when you were out," I might spit out whatever was in my mouth when she told me that. 

     The association was referring to the fact that there is no Swedish word for female masturbation (nor is there one in English, for that matter). Sweden just happened to decide that it needed one. The association held a competition calling upon women to submit ideas for a new way to describe flicking the bean. They received over 1,200 responses, but "klittra" won the gold, pulling ahead of competitors like "pulla", "runka" and "selfa." No wonder why klittra won. These names are horrible!

     The association will be trying to induct the new word into the Swedish dictionary in hopes that Merriam-Webster will follow suit. God, I hope not! The word is stupid! I bet that we can come up with a better name than "klittra". Any ideas?