MY FELLOW BRETHREN BEWARE!

     Today's blog is geared towards my fellow man. Especially, the ones who are still dating. Guys, there is a new device that you need to be aware of. Let's just say, when a date is going bad and suddenly your date gets a phone call and has to leave or one of her friends show up and invades your failing date. Well, there's now a reason why these things are happening. 

     There's a new wearable device called "Ruby," where all a woman needs to do is click her heels three times to get out of a situation with minimal awkwardness. The Ruby is part of an overall system called "Dorothy" (get it? click your heels three times?), a rectangular, Bluetooth-enabled device that sits on the side of the woman's shoe. The chip connects to their smartphone and activates after three rapid taps. 

     Ruby can do a few things, depending on how she's set. It can make a fake phone call to their phone or text up to three friends a message, and share a map of your location with those three friends. Dorothy's creators are from the digital creative agency, iStrategyLabs, based in Washington D.C. This the company who is responsible for other visionary products like a Twitter-controlled paintball gun and a mirror that takes and posts selfies to social media. I have to be honest, these sound like some pretty cool products.

     As of now, the Ruby device is clunky enough that it would be pretty hard to hide from a date. It wouldn't even stay in place if a woman was wearing flats. The creators are still trying to fix a couple of concerns regarding the device. One is to try to make it about a third smaller and they're trying to build it into the shoe's insole. They're also hoping to improve the devices's battery life.

     I have to say that if this product gets popular, dating could really suck. Thank God I no longer have to do it. I mean, for women, this is great because I'm sure not all dates run smoothly, but how about the men who are on really bad dates? Is there a device for us too? Why does this company just assume that it's only the women who are on bad dates? Just saying...

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE TEACHERS?

     I know it has become a joke that all I write about is teachers having sex with their students, but there gets to a point where you have to ask, "what the hell is wrong with these teachers?" 

     This is Michelle Smith White from Durham, North Carolina. She's a teacher who is being accused of having sex with a high school student in a menage a trois (that's a threesome to those who don't know) with her husband and she also got a tattoo with the 15-year-old girl's initials and likeness. What the hell? 

     Durham County Sheriff's used a search warrant to seize computers, cell phones and take photos of Mrs. White, who was charges in July with taking indecent liberties and sexual offense with a student at Jordan High School. 

     White, who was a dance teacher at the school for 18 years until she resigned in April, formed a friendship with the girl, who was only 15 at the time, back in 2012. According to police, the relationship grew sexual and lasted until June and may have even involved trysts with White's husband. Text messages between White and her student included words like "threesome" and alluding to the involvement of White's husband Phillip White, who has yet yo be charged. 

     Investigators were told to take photos of White's tattoo, which depicted the girl's name, initials and an "artist rendering which would be symbolic of the juvenile." Two photos of the couple and the teen were found on the bedroom wall of White's home, along with handwritten correspondence in a binder. Police said that the girl's parents told the teacher to stop texting their daughter back in April. The girl is now 16. 

     White was suspended by the school twice. Once in 2012 and again in April before she resigned. Okay, now this wasn't even with a male student, which makes this story even crazier! What is it about kids that get these teachers all horned up? I don't get it. I'm friends with many teachers and can never in a million years imagine this happening with them. I guess it's all mental? This one just took it a step further and got the student's name and likeness tattooed on her. What a moron!

ME SO HORNY....

     I always wondered how people funded their  backpacking trips through countries. Some just throw some clothes in a back pack and leave with the money they have in their pockets. We have a friend who actually does this in Asia and I think it's insane. The thing is, I highly doubt that our friend does what this girl does to get by when she's backpacking.

     This Chinese backpacker has sparked some outrage by offering bang men in every city she visits so she can fund her trip. Am I the only one who sees nothing wrong with this? Isn't it survival of the fittest at this point? 

     Anyway, this is 19-year-old, Ju Peng, who is being labeled a "prostitute" and "sex tourist" after she revealed her plans to hook up with "temporary boyfriends." She reportedly took to the micro-blogging site, Weibo, in her search for men who are "good looking, under 30, taller than 1.75 meters and, of course, rich." The teen, who is believed to be from Shanghai, wrote, "They will fund my transport to their city and all my expenses while I am there and they need to be generous. In return, they get a whole night with me, my undivided attention and a chance to show themselves off in the company of a truly beautiful girl."

     Peng is a little full of herself. Don't you think? I mean, she is cute and all, but that was her selling point? Does it really sound like she's offering sex in her post? It sounds like she might be just offering companionship for a night. I don't know. Maybe I'm just that naive. Peng, who claims to have already traveled across eastern China, said she had run out of cash to pay for the rest of her trip. She says, "It is sort of like hitchhiking. It's nothing to be ashamed of." If she is offering sex to these guys, it's clearly not like hitchhiking! But who am I to judge? If this is this is the way she wants to travel, I say let her! Why is everyone being so judgmental?

     Peng's brazen plan has not gone down well in China, however, with many calling for her posts to be deleted and for her to be arrested for prostitution. I still say, who cares? If this is the way for her to fund her trips, let her. Hey, there are scam artists and thieves out their doing the same exact thing as she's doing. The only thing she is doing differently is that she's putting it out their publicly and asking people for money rather than scamming them out of it. How is this any different than people who do the crowd-funding sites? So, you may get a little sexy time out of it. Big Deal! 

SHE GOT SLAPPED IN THE FACE WITH HIS WHAT?

     So, with today's story, I'd like to preface it with "do not try this at home!" Well, that's unless you're in an intimate relationship with the person. Either way, it's still very degrading to your partner. 

     Anyway, a British college student who recently slapped a sleeping woman in the face with his penis is seeing his dreams of becoming an attorney go up in smoke. I mean I can't see why? According to my fiancee, this stuff happened to all the time when she went to Frat parties in college. When I asked her if this ever happened to her, she quickly replied, "Oh hell no!" I'm sorry, but am I the only who finds this hilarious? I know everyone is a little on edge right now because they found our first case of ebola in NYC, but that can only mean stay the hell out of NYC for now!

     Back to the penis face slapping! It turns out; 21-year-old John Luke Dale, drunkenly stripped down to his briefs before shoving his flaccid member into the young woman's face after she dozed off at a house party in 2013. When she wasn't responsive to the penis in her face, he slapped her with it. First of all, why would anyone fall asleep at a house party? Haven't they heard of the game, "You Snooze, You Lose"? The Nottingham Trent criminology undergraduate's naught antics were all caught on camera by a pal. Then again, what today isn't caught on camera? He showed the video to a workmate, who in turn called the police on him. WHAT? Why would the workmate even get involved? If you ask me, that guy's a douche! What a tattle-tale! If the girl didn't file any charges, what gave this co-worker the right to call police? I am speechless. 

     Dale, who is from Milton Keynes, was locked up for nine months in September after confessing to the sexual assault. Details of the incident came to light this week, however, after three top judges at the Court of Appeal rejected his plea for a more lenient sentence. Judge Alistair McCreath stated, "One can see in stark form the distress caused to the victim of this offense and the continuing nature of it. The sentence which the judge imposed cannot possibly be wrong in principle." The victim actually came out and said that she felt violated and that she was petrified the video clip would spread. SEE? She wasn't even concerned that Dale slapped her in the face with his flaccid penis! She was more concerned that the video clip would spread! I have to say that though this incident is extremely degrading, it's too funny! Did Dale get the right sentencing? Sure, he did, but to make matters even worse, he can't even become a lawyer now. His future is messed up. So, who is the real victim here? And by the way, his workmate is still a douchebag!

THERE GOES HER TEACHING CAREER.....

     I know that I have a tendency to find stories about teacher-student sexcapades. I don't necessarily agree that the teacher is all at fault most of the time, but because they're older, they have to take the brunt of the punishment. Yes, these teachers should be a bit more careful with their indiscretions, but these students need to keep their mouths shut too. Better yet, maybe it's time for these teachers to find guys their own age because these kids are only acting their age...Well, because they're kids!

     Today's story is about a Washington D.C. substitute, who's not even a teacher yet, and how she was set up by a high school football player who begged her to have sex with him on her first day on the job. Again, she didn't have to say, "Yes" and this kid would have been the one in trouble. 22-year-old, Symone Greene performed oral sex on the 17-year-old behind her teacher's desk after he asked her to have sex with him seven times, which is the same number that is on his football jersey. The sub is being charged with first-degree sexual assault on a minor for the incident that happened this past Friday. 

     According to police, Greene taught an English class at Options Public Charter School. It was the first time she worked at the school, and the 17-year-old was an office assistant who helped in the class. The teen admitted to police officers that he flirted with the teacher throughout the class and at some point they exchanged phone numbers. The two started texting, where the 17-year-old asked if she was "kinky" and she allegedly replied with "I don't tell, I show." 

     Apparently, at the end of the school day, while other students attended a pep rally, the teen went back to Greene's classroom. He asked that she perform a number a sex acts on him that would match the number on his high school football jersey: the number seven. While she performed oral sex on the teen, the boy recorded it on his cell phone, but Greene was not aware she was being filmed. After the encounter, the teen showed the footage to his football teammates, which led to the police getting a phone call. This kid is a scumbag to a "T". Don't get me wrong; the teacher is at fault for even giving in to his begging, but this guy is a douchebag! She couldn't have picked a worse kid to do it with. He went stalking her, then he begs, he videotapes and then shows his friends? This kid has to be punished somehow!

    Needless to say, Greene will not be rehired at this school as a substitute anytime soon. Personally, I'd like to know if this kid will be punished. I mean he stalked her like an animal preying on a victim. Why is it okay to hound her about sex? Why was it okay for him to film her in the act? I will say it again, she is totally at fault for following through, but I don't feel that she was totally at fault. Like they say, it takes two to Tango! 

RAT-TAT-CHILI?

     WARNING -- I hope all of you ate your breakfast before you read this because this might make you vomit. It seems McDonald's is not the only one with a rodent problem. 

     It turns out; a diner in Cape Coral, Florida, says that he believes he found a rat head in a bowl of chili last week at a Golden Corral Restaurant. Yup! A rat head! The photo inserted here even makes me want to vomit. 

       Billy Wilson usually eats at the restaurant once a week, but not anymore after getting this unappetizing ingredient. Wilson said, "The first bite I took out of it was a crunch and at the time, I was like maybe, you know, sometimes you get a hard bean inside of chili." Um, no! I've never eaten chili with a hard bean in it. Wilson went on to say that he immediately spat out what looked to him like a rat's head with curly ears and a snaggletooth. It's almost like, although he was eating dinner, he immediately lost his lunch. 

     Wilson said, "When I seen it, I just went into the bathroom and threw up. Ugh, I just couldn't get the taste out of my mouth. It was just nasty!" Wilson would call the manager over to his table, who inspect the ingredient and nonchalantly said, "Wow! That is a rat!" So, he proceeded to take some pictures of it, moved it around a little bit, but according to Wilson, the manager was just as horrified as he was. 

     Although Golden Corral comped the entire meal, Wilson still felt queasy. How can you blame him? Rats come with diseases. The next day, Wilson went to a hospital emergency room and was treated for gastroenteritis. Doctors gave him some meds for nausea and muscle spasms. The worst part is that Wilson has a phobia of rats, so this could be the worst thing to happen to the wrong person. That would be like me finding a midget's head in a bowl of soup, though, that can never happen since it would be too big for the soup bowl. 

     Anyway, The Golden Corral said, "While we continue to look into the matter, we have been unable to confirm the alleged incident at our 410 Andalusia Boulevard location. We remain committed to delivering high-quality food and guest experience in a clean and safe environment." Thank you, standard PR answer. I mean the manager was right there and I'm sure there is surveillance footage of the incident. Either way, this is nasty! I've never stepped foot into a Golden Corral and after seeing this story, I doubt that I ever will. Then again, I've heard stories about KFC cooking rats on accident in their deep fryers and I've still eaten there. You know, what? It's five-star restaurants from here on out!

POT DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR....THERE'S AN APP FOR THAT!

     Have you ever wanted your pot delivered right to your door? I mean that's even if you've touched the stuff. I know that I don't. Anyway, what if you can order your weed from an iPhone app? Wouldn't that be awesome? 

Well, say hello to Nestdrop, a new app for iOS and Android phones that is designed for medical marijuana users. It actually allows users to order the green stuff and to have their "medication" delivered right to their doorstep. Nestdrop app actually went live today in L.A., where medical marijuana is legal and plans are underway to bring it to other parts of the country with medical marijuana dispensaries. 

     First, the app must confirm that the user has permission from a doctor to obtain medical marijuana by uploading a photo of a doctor's recommendation and their Medical Marijuana ID card. Once they've been approved, they can order all sorts of "kind" buds, edibles and even THC concentrate right from their phone. A delivery man will then bring it right to their door within an hour of the placement of their order. 

     To be honest, between this, pizza delivery, call girls, Gamefly, Netflix, and the Drizly app, which lets you order alcohol delivered right to your door, you really have no reason to ever leave your house again. Am I right? Now, all I need to do is somehow get one of these Medical Marijuana ID cards. I mean, not me, a friend of mine. Needs to get one. I give this new app two thumbs up!

STILL LOVIN' IT?

     Who doesn't like McDonald's breakfast? Yeah, it might kill all of us one day, but we're still "lovin' it!" Anyway, how much would you love it if you found a dead mouse in your coffee? That's what happened to Ron Morais of Fredericton in New Brunswick, Canada. 

     According to Morais, he always takes the lid off of his coffee to get his last sip of coffee, and this time when he took the lid off, there was a little bit of a surprise in his coffee cup and it was a dead mouse. The disgusted customer added that the mouse had been in the cup for a while and left some droppings in the drink. 

     A co-worker of Morais was with him when he made the disgusting discovery. She said, ""Oh my God, there's a mouse in my coffee,' is what he says. I turn around and look at him. The first time I looked, I actually looked and it's real, he's not joking." McDonald's issued a statement that the local public health organization and pest control company investigated the franchise and found no evidence of a pest problem. The company said it would investigate further and cautioned people not to jump to conclusions, which obviously is public relations 101. 

     Morais said that he wants to talk to Mickey D's officials to discover how the mouse appeared in the coffee. Though, he's disgusted by what he had to ingest, as any normal human being would be, he is keeping a good sense of humor about it saying, "I mean, hey, you. I'm here. And I'm in better shape than the mouse is." 

     This complaint couldn't come at a worse time for the fast food giant, who just launched a public relations campaign to combat complaints about the lack of quality food McDonald's is serving. They've been releasing a series of videos under the "Our Food, Your Questions" campaign that intended to address rumors such as pink slime in the burgers and if the company uses real meat. 

     But back to the mouse thing; I'm not sure that I will be able to ever eat breakfast at McDonald's ever again...Or at least drink their coffee from the McCafe. I'm sure not all McDonald's are dirty, but this vision of a dead mouse in a drink is stuck in my brain forever now. Then again, who am I kidding? McDonald's is always good in a pinch when you have no time to make breakfast. I'm sure I'll be back!

JUST HORSING AROUND

     And we're back in Florida. The only state that can make New Jersey look somewhat sane. Anyway, has anyone ever walked through the toy aisle at Wal-Mart and gotten turned on by a stuffed animal? That's what happened to 19-year-old Sean Johnson of Lake Panasoffkee, Florida. Um, where the hell in Florida is that? Lake Pants-Off-Kee? It's no wonder this kid is all screwed up. 
   
     According to police, this Florida teen got hot and dirty with a stuffed toy horse, using it to masturbate inside a Wal-Mart. Johnson was charged with indecent exposure for showing his Johnson in public and criminal mischief on Tuesday. If I had to judge this kid based on his mugshot, I'd say there was some serious drugs and alcohol involved. There's something extremely abnormal-looking about this kid. 

     So, allegedly, Johnson took the stuffed toy from a store shelf at the Wal-Mart in Brooksville, Florida and went to the bedding department at around 3 p.m. Surveillance cameras caught Johnson pleasuring himself and going to town on the plush kid's toy before returning the "contaminated, jizzed up" stuffed horse back to the toy aisle. 

     Johnson actually fled the scene before store security could stop him, but Brooksville police were able to make the arrest. Is it me or is the store security at fault also for not catching this as it was happening? I mean it seems a lot of shady things happen at Wal-Mart. I've seen stuff from guys beating women in the Wal-Mart bathroom, masturbating in the aisles, people walking into the store naked and now this. There has to be something to say about Wal-Mart's security, right? Why don't these shenanigans happen in any other department stores? Is it the element that Wal-Mart brings in as clientele? If so, wouldn't it be a good idea to beef up security? 

     Johnson was released from Hermando jail on $1,500 bond. The stuffed horse saw it's last ride as Wal-Mart rounded up all the stuffed merchandise and others that came in contact with it and removed them from the shelf. Maybe Johnson was a Brony and needed to get his rocks off. Don't get me wrong, I might be coming down hard on the security of Wal-Mart, but Johnson is a sicko too. Who does this to a children's toy? Only a sicko! Now, where's my stuffed panda?

SHE TWERKS HARD FOR THE MONEY

     Sometimes people can find the easiest ways to make money. Trust me, this blog is not one of them. Anyway, this is Jessica Vanessa and, though, she didn't mind her assistant teaching job at a Florida kindergarten, she liked twerking on Vine a whole lot more. Plus, she found out that that there is more cash in the ass business. 

     According to Vanessa, what she makes in six seconds with her Vines would take her four months as a teaching ass-istant. Vanessa has more than two million followers on the video-sharing site, and says she makes six figures a year doing this: 


        
     Now, Vanessa says that she's been tormented over her life decision online, but has her family's support and will continue her twerking career. Um, am I the only one who find her revolting? Her ass is enormous. Then again, to be successful in twerking, I guess that you kind of have to have a big, big booty. I just don't get how she's making six figures acting like Miley Cryus. Maybe I'm just too old to understand this twerking thing. 

TRICK OR TREAT?

     I know what my fiancee's answer would be, but how many of you are into trying new things? I mean are bugs disgusting to eat just because they look creepy? What if they had more protein than anything you've ever eaten? Then, would you try it? Yeah, neither would I. I don't care how good they taste...Thanks, but no thanks!

     An NOLA eatery's menu included crickets and wax worms on toothpick skewers for dipping in a fountain of melted chocolate, along with "tarsal toffee" made with bug legs and mealworms and fudge infused with crickets and marshmallows. What actually looked like a Halloween trick was actually an array of treats being served up Saturday at the Audobon Butterfly Garden and Insectarium in New Orleans. The 23,000-square-foot facility is the largest free-standing museum in the U.S. and is dedicated to insects. It houses thousands of live bugs including beetles, cockroaches, wasps, bees and termites. It also has a butterfly exhibit created to resemble a Japanese garden. This is one place that my fiancee will NEVER step into. I have my phobia of little people and she has hers with bugs. 

     The insect-infused cuisine is also a huge draw at the Insectarium. Thousands visit the museum's Bug Appetit kitchen annually, where six-legged critters and worms are cooked and served. There's also a Tiny Termite Cafe for the less adventurous who prefer bug-free food. The FDA allows 60 or more micropscopic insect fragments for each 100 grams of chocolate, so it's not a huge leap to just go ahead and have the whole bug. 

     The chocolate infused bug fare was being offered as a special "treat" alongside the museum's year-round offerings of chocolate "chirp" cookies, made with you guessed it....crickets! There are also sugar wax worms and spicy Cajun crickets. Um, yeah. I think that I will be avoiding this place. To each his own, right? One day when the world is ending and bugs are the only things left that we can eat, we will wish that we would have tried it now....Until that day comes? Keep it at the Insectarium in New Orleans!

LISTEN TO THE SOUND OF MY VOICE....YOU'RE GETTING SLEEPY...

     I really wanted to write about the guy who claimed to have the ebola virus while on a plane from Philly to Punta Cana, but with my future bride flying out of Philly today for her bachelorette party, I didn't feel it was appropriate. Besides, this story is so much funnier!

     So, apparently, an amateur hypnotist from the state of Washington is being accused of having sex with a woman while she was in a hypnotic state. THAT IS HILARIOUS...But also a bit creepy! Kevin Christian Geyer pleaded not guilty on Wednesday in a Benton County Superior Court to a charge of indecent liberties.

     According to court documents, the 25-year-old hypnotized the woman on June 4 at his home in Kennewick. He reportedly used hypnotism several times in the past to help her with her problems (and apparently to help him with his problems of not getting laid.) One news source reported that the woman told police that she had vague images of Geyer sexually assaulting her and later found evidence of it on her clothing. Um, ew? She said that when she confronted him about it, he responded by apologizing to her. WHAT? If I hypnotized someone and then banged them, I would never own up to it. Deny, deny, deny! What a moron! 

     All kidding aside, I guess if I found out that my fiancee was violated by a hypnotist, I'd be pretty pissed off. Then again, why would any women go to an "amateur" hypnotist alone? That's just a big red flag for trouble. In fact, if I had the power to hypnotize people, I think I would be in a lot of trouble. Not so much in the sex aspect like this guy, though. I would use it to my advantage to gain power....But that's a whole other blog post to write about.  

PANTY RAID

     My fiancee has been hounding me to get one of these home security video monitors for our house so she can watch our dog while she's at work. Um, needless to say that was a big fat NO! Then again, I hear stories about home invasions and it almost makes me think that it might be a good idea to actually have these small video cameras installed in our palace. Then, I read stories like this one and it's like finding $100 in your dirty pants pocket. 

     So, it turns out; a Chicago man and his girlfriend say they are totally creeped out by a video that shows their home being broken into by a man wearing a pair of woman's panties. Okay, he didn't break into the house with the panties on. The surveillance footage shows the man looking at framed photographs in the couple's house, then holding up the girlfriend's underpants. Then he pulls the panties wide over his pants and looks around some more. 

     Homeowner Steve Fremond said, "My initial reaction to seeing the video was mostly disbelief, but once it sank in I was a little scared. My girlfriend was very scared, though." He went on to say that nothing appears to have been taken and that he installed the safety cameras after hearing about strange break-ins around the neighborhood. Police are still investigating the incident, which happened on September 25. 

     I have to say that this is pretty damn funny! The fact that this guy broke into someone's house and didn't take a thing, but decided to try on some panties. What is wrong with this world? Is going to jail worth the panties that you got caught trying on? What happened to the days of breaking into people's houses and stealing their TVs and jewelry and whatnot? Now, people are breaking into houses to try on undergarments? I give up!

Take a look at the creepy video right here: 

WHO'S BEEN EATING IN MY DINING ROOM?

     Have you ever wanted to have a dinner party in a house that wasn't yours? Of course, you did. How about a house that belongs to a total stranger? That's what PlaceInvaders does for you. They are an underground dinner club that started this past summer by two New Yorkers who wanted to throw parties in cool Manhattan apartments all over town. 

      35-year-old co-founder, Katie Smith -Adair from Clinton Hill, Brooklyn said, "New Yorkers like to feel like they are living more interesting lives than the average person in other places. We're all looking for experiences that are more unique than going out to a movie or a bar." PlaceInvaders is said to be that experience. The idea is to "invade" unique domiciles and hold dinner parties there. The catch is that owners of these apartments are not home, hence the "invaders" part. 

     One recent dinner was held in celebrity gym founder David Barton's apartment, where dozens of candles lined the walls and he had two dining room chairs shaped like a giant human skeleton, which was the talk of the evening. Another dinner last month featured a cocktail hour in an abandoned penthouse featuring an epic 1970s-era shag carpet and flocked wallpaper. 35-year-old co-founder from the West Village, Hagan Blount said, "It's something different and not the kind of thing you would see in Dwell magazine. People want to show other people how cool their space is. Even if they're not home."

     Prospective guests request an invitation online. For those show are accepted, the $100 ticket includes dinner, cocktails, and boxed wine. The dinner itself is a first-rate, five-course meal. A recent event opened with a Peruvian-style ceviche followed by multicolored shot glasses of gazpacho, beef tenderloin, a South American cheese plate and a dessert of brigadeiros, Brazilian bonbons. Now, neither Smith-Adair nor Blount is a professional chef, but hell...I would eat this. 

     So far, most people who have requested a PlaceInvaders invitation have received one. Guests don't know where the party will be until the day of. It could be a loft on the Lower East Side or a tiny studio in the West Village. In exchange for the use of the apartments, PlaceInvaders hosts cook a free meal for the owner and their friends the night before, both as a thank you and as a test run to make sure the everything runs smoothly. 

The next meals are on October 18 and 19 at an undisclosed Manhattan location. You can request an invitation at x.placeinvaders.co. I'm not sure that I would allow this in my home because if something went missing, who do you blame? Would I go to one of these? I doubt it. Why would I want to eat someone else's house. The whole idea is just strange to me. But that's just me.

THIS WAS TOO HARD TO PUT DOWN

     It's no secret that any man with a penis wakes up with "morning wood" every morning! What if that morning wood didn't go down and became "afternoon wood" and eventually "evening wood"? I would say that there is a small problem here. That is what happened to Jason Garnett here of the U.K. 

     It turns out; Jason woke up Friday morning with a raging erection, which seemed to be normal at the time, but then it refused to go down. In fact, his penis stood at attention for more than 17 hours. And yes, no erection enhancing drugs like Viagra or Cialis was believed to be taken. At first, Garnett said that he wasn't too worried about his stiff friend and he went about his day as if it were a normal one and went to his job at a hotel in Harrogate, U.K. But then around lunchtime, he became worried that his situation didn't get any better. He even tried taking an ice bath and going for a jog, but that didn't help. Maybe he should have tried to picture Rosie O'Donnell in lingerie? 

     Anyway, eight hours after waking up, Garnett finally told his roommate about his "little" problem. He said that originally his roommate was in hysterics when he first told him, but then he realized how serious the situation was. Here's what I don't get. If I had this problem, I'm sure people would notice and I would not be able to go about my day. How did nobody notice that he was pitching a tent in his pants? How did he even walk normal with this rager in his pants? Maybe Jason should be called "little" Jason Garnett. 

     Regardless, Garnett was taken to a hospital, where he was diagnosed with priapism, a rare condition where erections do not subside. It is not caused by sexual desire or stimulation, but if untreated can cause permanent damage to the penis. Doctors has to drain two pints of blood from his erect penis to reduce the pressure on his organ. When that didn't work, they were forced to inject him with 24 rounds of medication before things settled down. He said, "Seeing them stab my penis with a needle was a horrible experience, like something out of a horror film. The pain was a 10 out of 10." Um, okay. Thanks for that visual, Mr. Garnett, as I sit her with my legs crossed. 

     Garnett says that it's completely normal now besides the fact that his penis looks like it's been through a war. I have to admit, though, if I had a rager like this for more than 17 hours without the use of any pills, I might have had to taken advantage of it first before I went to the doctor to get the swelling down. My poor fiancee might have had a problem with it because it would have been 17 plus hours of sex, but you have to do what you have to do in the name of science, right? 

A COUPLE THAT CREEPS TOGETHER, SLEEPS TOGETHER...

     So, I remember when my fiancee and I were house shopping and we came across a house where the woman in the house had this doll collection. All I could think at the time was that I needed to get out of the house because the dolls were creeping me out. 

     With that in mind, this is Shawna Bigelow and her boyfriend, Dave Hockey. Shawna has become a little jealous because of Dave's numerous sex dolls, which he keeps in the basement. For the most part, she and Dave enjoy an ongoing sexual relationship...with the dolls. The dolls, which they've spent more than $32,000 on. Um, that is absolutely sick! I can't even afford one of these real dolls. Their freaky extracurricular activities involve little to no attachment to these dolls...That's unless Shawna decides to use a different attachable penis for her male doll that she calls Terry. She says that it's "kind of like a threesome without anyone getting hurt. You've got to realize that she is only a doll that is not real, because who has that perfect a body?" Am I the only one shaking my head in disbelief here? 

     Shawna and Dave met on a dating website more than a year ago. She said that she wasn't really put off when Dave showed here his basement, where he keeps the dolls before bedtime. Dave knew that Shawna was the girl for him when Shawna didn't go running out of the house. Instead, she started putting on the dolls wigs, looking down their shirts and wanting to see everything! Things quickly moved to the bedroom, where the couple shared nightly visits with one of the female dolls, Bianca, who is actually a famous doll. She starred alongside Ryan Gosling in the 2007 film, Lars and the Real Girl. What the hell? Is this where Hockey got the money to buy more dolls? The thing that is really creepy is why did he have a male one? Unless he bough that after for Shawna. Either way, still very creepy!

     The couple says they wanted to share their plastic philandering to try and face the shame that surrounds the doll sex movement. Hmmm...Is there really such a movement? Apparently, there is. Dave says, "There is a face on the community that is painted as the lonely single guy. Because I did a documentary, I also did a lot of research on this and 30 percent of people in our forum are couples and married." The couple went on to say that they have indeed met couples like themselves before and that they know people who are into having sex with robots, so why not dolls. How about the fact that dolls are just creepy; going back to my original story of seeing them in a house that we were looking at. How can you look at yourself after fornicating with a piece of rubber? Then again, I do hear that these real dolls do look and feel human-like. But still...Wouldn't it be like having sex with a dead person. Wait a minute...It's not a dead person...They don't talk back to you. Dave Hockey might be onto something. I might have to research this and get back to you.         

TEACHER THREESOME.....YES!

     Okay, I haven't exactly made it a secret that I love stories about female teachers having sex with their young male students. The only thing that irritates me is when the young male student goes and tells his parents about it, which gets the female teacher into some big trouble. Then again, if these stories never happened, I'd have nothing to write or fantasize about. 

     Anyway, two English teachers at a Louisiana high school are facing felony charges for allegedly having group sex with a student at one of the teacher's apartments in Kenner, LA. 24-year-old Rachel Respess and 32-year-old Shelley Dufresne are being accused of engaging in an illicit tryst with a 16-year-old boy after a high school football game on September 12. In my world, they call this kid a rock star. He didn't only bang one teacher. He had a threesome with two teachers. That is AWESOME!

     According to Kenner Police Chief Michael Glaser, the menage a trois happened at Respess' apartment. She was surrendered to authorities on Wednesday morning. Dufresne had already been arrested on Tuesday for allegedly having sex with the boy at a home in Montz, where she lives. Kenner police booked both women with carnal knowledge of a juvenile, indecent behavior with a juvenile and contributing to the delinquency of a juvenile. If charged and convicted on those complaints, the teachers are facing 0 to 17 1/2 years in prison. For what? Having sex with a boy and making him a hero? I mean a man? 

     The two women were friends and both had been teachers of the student. Respess was his English teacher last year, Dufresne his English teacher until this week. Authorities say they were tipped off to the allegations on Friday when a school system official told the Sheriff's office that a male student was "bragging to other students that he was having a sexual relationship with teachers." Okay, this kid just went from Hero to Zero fro me. Why would you do that and deprive yourself of more sex? Just keep it to your damn self! Detectives interviewed the student, who said the encounter was consensual and gave the officers an account of the events. Unfortunately for the two teachers, even though the sex was consensual, the legal age of consent is Louisiana is 17.

     Glaser said that investigators have "no doubt" that the two women had sexual intercourse with the student and are even investigating a rumor that the encounter was recorded on video. Oh, please Vivid Video; if this is true, please get your hands on it! I can't be the only one who would love to see this one hot teacher at the top in an uncompromising position. Many of you will say that these teachers are disgusting, but if you think for a second that this wasn't going on when you were still in high school, you might as well kill yourself now because you live in a delusional world. The guys when I was in high school bragged about things like this, but they wouldn't brag to everyone. Just the ones they trusted. And believe me; banging not one but two teachers is totally something to be bragging about. I don't know. Maybe I'm just not seeing why two...or three consensual people can't have sex no matter what age they are. Don't people realize how hard it is to have a threesome as an adult, let alone a teenager?

DOODIE FREE DINING

     It's bad enough when mother's feel the need to breastfeed their children in public. At least some have the decency to cover it up. Some just whip it out and let the child start sucking, which sometimes isn't a bad thing for you to see if you're a pervert and the mom is a full-on-hottie. Regardless, if you're a human being of any kind, breastfeeding in public is still pretty gross. 

     I'll take the gross factor a step further, though. A mother's decision to change her baby's diaper on the dining table in the middle of a Chipotle restaurant is making headlines this week and raising plenty of eyebrows in the process. The mother in question was having a meal with her 16-month-old daughter when the tot needed her diaper changed. The mom, however, discovered that the establishment did not have a changing table in the bathroom, she decided to change her child's diaper right on the dining table. 

     The woman's husband, Chad, allegedly wrote a letter to Chipotle headquarters after the incident, defending his wife's behavior and criticizing the restaurant's employees for telling the family that they'd have to leave if they tried to change another diaper in the dining area. In the letter, he stated that his wife's choice to change their baby on a dining table may have struck some as "unsavory," the employees displayed an "inability/unwillingness to empathize with parents who find the car a less convenient alternative even on a beautiful day like yesterday, much less a subfreezing day as we undoubtedly will have this winter." Chipotle did respond to the letter by saying that they were "currently in the process of retrofitting locations with changing tables." Either way, I'm sorry, but Chad is wrong. If there are no changing tables, you take that child out to your car and change them. Back in the day when we were kids, there were no such things as a changing station. Our parents changed us in a car. They would never change us on a dining table where people eat. That is unsanitary and absolutely disgusting! I don't care how cute the baby is...shit is shit! If that gets on the table, that's a health code violation. I think Chipotle had every right to kick these people out without even an excuse that they are in the middle of putting changing tables in. Have some common sense and decency. 

     Back in August a woman was kicked out of a Texas pizzeria for doing the same thing. She was changing her four-month old's diaper on the dining table. The woman, who was at the restaurant with her baby and her two children, said that the pizzeria had no changing table and she "didn't want to take everyone back to the minivan to do the diaper change." Too bad! Then don't go out when it's just you and your kids. My sister has four kids and she won't go out unless she has someone responsible enough to watch her kids while she goes to change her kid's diapers. Even if these people changed the diaper on the chair it would have been better than the table. Changing a diaper on a table where people eat is just rude and gross. There! I said it again for the fifth time!