THIS WAS TOO HARD TO PUT DOWN

     It's no secret that any man with a penis wakes up with "morning wood" every morning! What if that morning wood didn't go down and became "afternoon wood" and eventually "evening wood"? I would say that there is a small problem here. That is what happened to Jason Garnett here of the U.K. 

     It turns out; Jason woke up Friday morning with a raging erection, which seemed to be normal at the time, but then it refused to go down. In fact, his penis stood at attention for more than 17 hours. And yes, no erection enhancing drugs like Viagra or Cialis was believed to be taken. At first, Garnett said that he wasn't too worried about his stiff friend and he went about his day as if it were a normal one and went to his job at a hotel in Harrogate, U.K. But then around lunchtime, he became worried that his situation didn't get any better. He even tried taking an ice bath and going for a jog, but that didn't help. Maybe he should have tried to picture Rosie O'Donnell in lingerie? 

     Anyway, eight hours after waking up, Garnett finally told his roommate about his "little" problem. He said that originally his roommate was in hysterics when he first told him, but then he realized how serious the situation was. Here's what I don't get. If I had this problem, I'm sure people would notice and I would not be able to go about my day. How did nobody notice that he was pitching a tent in his pants? How did he even walk normal with this rager in his pants? Maybe Jason should be called "little" Jason Garnett. 

     Regardless, Garnett was taken to a hospital, where he was diagnosed with priapism, a rare condition where erections do not subside. It is not caused by sexual desire or stimulation, but if untreated can cause permanent damage to the penis. Doctors has to drain two pints of blood from his erect penis to reduce the pressure on his organ. When that didn't work, they were forced to inject him with 24 rounds of medication before things settled down. He said, "Seeing them stab my penis with a needle was a horrible experience, like something out of a horror film. The pain was a 10 out of 10." Um, okay. Thanks for that visual, Mr. Garnett, as I sit her with my legs crossed. 

     Garnett says that it's completely normal now besides the fact that his penis looks like it's been through a war. I have to admit, though, if I had a rager like this for more than 17 hours without the use of any pills, I might have had to taken advantage of it first before I went to the doctor to get the swelling down. My poor fiancee might have had a problem with it because it would have been 17 plus hours of sex, but you have to do what you have to do in the name of science, right?