OH POOP!

     Of course, today had to be the day where there were many stories to write about like the Japanese porn king who said his back can't take all the work he's been getting, or the New Jersey teacher who had sexual relations with at least three of her students....And yes, she was kind of hot! The story that really caught my attention, though, just like it always does, had to do with a serial pooper in Ohio. If you know me, I love writing about crap! (Cheap plug: Pick up my book S**T Happens on Amazon.com!) 

     Anyway, the devious defecator has disgustingly dumped his own feces on, around and inside at least 19 cars in Akron, Ohio over the last two years. That is awesome! Unfortunately, the man's bizarre addiction could be coming to an end soon because he was caught on surveillance camera early Wednesday morning pooping on someone's car. 

     This photograph was taken on a timelapse camera set up by a nearby resident who'd become fed-up with repeatedly clearing human waste off his vehicle. The victim, who remained nameless, had been hit (or pooped on) seven times. The photo from the surveillance footage shows the mystery bowel movement bandit squatting over the hood of a car with his pants down, while looking directly into the lens. Police have since released the image in an attempt to track down the serial pooper. 

     Another victim who's been targeted a number of times, Jacob Karam said he hopes the culprit is caught. He said, "He did it on my hood every time! And then one time he took it and smeared it all over the hood, the windshield, the mirrors, the window, the door handles, and the gas tank cover." Akron Police Lieutenant Rick Edwards said the suspect appeared to be in his mid-40s and has not ruled out he could be responsible for even more similar incidents than the 19 already filed. If arrested, the suspect could face charges such as criminal mischief. 

     I wonder if he's actually from Jersey because I remember back in 2003, while I was at band rehearsal in Union City, NJ, right by the Lincoln Tunnel. I was parked in the Toys 'R Us parking lot next to my guitar player's brand new Ford F-150 pick-up truck. I was the first one to leave practice because I had a morning show to wake up for. I came down to see glass all over the floor. My worst fear had happened. My jeep got broken into and the asshole got away with my portable CD player and the change in my ash tray. Then I smelled something gross. I looked down and on the Ford F-150's running board was a pile of steaming crap that still had smoke coming out of it. Before I vomited, I called my guitar player to come down and take a look. It was pretty nasty, but inside, I was dying! It sure lifted the pain of my Jeep getting broken into. The guy made off with a CD player and some change while pooping on my friend's truck. Good for him!......Good for him!