MIGHT AS WELL FACE IT, HE'S A ADDICTED TO PORN

     Since today is Good Friday, you deserve a "good" story to end your week! So, today I give you Taylor Davis from Kissimmee, Florida. I'm not really sure why he's topless in his mugshot, but anyway, he was caught masturbating inside a Kissimmee Walmart and allegedly flicked his "bodily fluids" on an unsuspecting shopper.

     The twisted 20-year-old, Davis stalked a woman through aisles on Tuesday as he listened to porn on his headphones and fondled himself by secretly slipping his hand through a hole he'd cut in his sweatshirt. The premeditated hole in the sweatshirt deserved a chuckle from me at least. The woman may not even know what hit her....Literally! 

     A sharp-eyed security guard spotted Davis, who is (and this is the best part) a Disney World employee, as he trailed his female victim. She called the sheriff's office after Davis wiped jizz on packages of trash bags. 

     A deputy found Davis sitting in his car in the parking lot. The young pervert quickly confessed to his wrong doing, telling investigators he was addicted to porn and needed help. Come on! You can't make this stuff up! I am....I mean was addicted to porn too! You don't see me whacking off in public places while listening to sound effects in my headphone. Anyway, Davis explained to the officers how he used the hole in his sweatshirt to masturbate discreetly in public, and he handed over a bottle of baby oil. Deputies also confiscated his cell phone and found a huge pornographic playlist. I have to admit. I love this kid!

     Davis told investigators he'd been masturbating in public for nearly a year. He admitted pleasuring himself at work (at Disney? Ew!), his high school and public rest room stalls. He's like Chucky from Sons of Anarchy. He just couldn't keep his hands off himself. Davis told the deputy, "I need help with my sexual self-control and judgment that is clearly not sane. Please help me any way possible." Hey, we know how they handled Chucky on S.O.A. Maybe this kid needs the same treatment. Off with his hands! 

     Davis was charged with disorderly conduct and criminal mischief. He was bailed out of jail on Wednesday on $750 bond. Authorities claim he could face additional charges and asked any victims to come forward. I mean apparently this kid has some sort of mental problems. Instead of asking other victims to come forward, maybe they should just have him committed. Keep him away from society and in with people closer to his mindset. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with him. What 20-year-old boy was not addicted to porn? Okay, maybe he took it too far by jizzing on the poor girl, but....okay, no "but". He definitely took that too far.