SHE COULDN'T SAY NO.....SHE COULDN'T SAY YES EITHER!

     I don't even know where to begin with this story. It's kind of odd because this guy reminds me of someone's grandfather, which he probably is. He does not look like a rapist. I kind of feel sorry for him too because my father told me a long time ago that if you don't use it, you're going to lose it. I would believe that was the case here. This poor old man was so in love with his wife. Unfortunately, she suffered from mental illness, but he just wanted to be with her intimately whether she was okay with it or not. Instead of being unfaithful, he chose to use "it" with his wife. Well, let me just tell you the story and you can tell me what you think. 

     This is Henry Rayhons. When he married his wife Donna Lou seven years ago in their northern Iowa hometown, it was a second chance at love for the previously widowed couple. But their domestic routine of church activities and political functions unraveled as Donna's health began to fail. Last year, the 78-year-old woman was moved into a nursing home, suffering from dementia and Alzheimers. According to Henry's family, this was decided by Donna's daughters from a previous marriage and not Henry himself. Conflict developed over how to care for Donna, culminating in a meeting in which staff told Henry that his wife was no longer mentally capable of legally consenting to have sex. 

     State prosecutors say Henrey, who was a long-serving state lawmaker, ignored that message. On Wednesday, he stands trial for sexually assaulting his wife, who died last August. The charges were filed days after she died. What a load of crap! First of all, Henry does not look like someone who will sexually assault someone. Second of all, he just wanted to be with his wife. He was in love with her mind, body and soul. So what, if her mind and body were no longer there. Her body was and physically, that's what he wanted. If that's what he wanted to do with HIS wife, he should have been allowed to with no one telling him that he can't. 

     Many couples experience hardships of illness, mental decline and living apart, but what happened with the Rayhons has little precedent. Experts could not think of another rape case that happened because a previously consenting spouse could no longer legally respond without protesting. One lawyer from Minneapolis, who has tries numerous sexual abuse cases in nursing homes stated, "This is the first one I've seen. It's a case that's going to be focusing on the rights of the vulnerable. Just because you're married, it doesn't mean you need to check your consent rights at the door." I'm not sure I agree. You're together for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, right? 

     Last summer, when charges were first filed, Henry's family released this statement: "Donna's location did not change Dad's love for Donna nor her love for him. It did not change their marriage relationship. And so he continued to have contact with his spouse in the nursing home; who among us would not." The statement went on to call the charges "illogical and unnatural." I totally agree. Unfortunately, the crux of the case is the question of Donna's ability to consent. Iowa law defines an act as sexual abuse in the third degree if two parties are not living together as husband and wife and if one person "is suffering from a mental defect or incapacitated, which precludes giving consent." Oh, coincidentally, that is in the law books in Iowa. Wasn't it her daughters who put her in the nursing home? Maybe Donna did need to be there, but did she give her consent to be committed to a nursing home? If not, how is that different than what Henry has done? What do you guys think?