SOUNDS OF LOVE.....OR IS IT JUST SEX?

     I remember when I was younger, which was a long time ago, we had a friend, who shall remain nameless but you know who you are; anyway, he used to have sex with his girlfriend at the time in one of the bedrooms at the Jersey shore house that we used to rent for one week every summer. Nothing wrong with that, right? The problem was, we had to hear it the entire time they were doing it. It was so loud, it wouldn't surprise me if the neighbors heard it. And they wouldn't do it just once. It was the entire week! I mean this guy was a champ and we used to bust his balls about it. 

     I guess that's okay when you're young and you're with your buds, but it's probably not okay when you live in an apartment complex and you're that loud. Just ask Siddarth Shah, whose Brooklyn breakfast is served four times a week with a side order of unbridled passion from the noisiest lovers on that side of the Hudson River. 29-year-old Shah said, "They go in all places in the apartment: the bedroom, the living room, the front door. You can hear it. A lot of moaning, the woman mostly. She screams, 'Yes! Yes! Yes!'" How can he be so sure it's sex though? Maybe she's watching a soccer game? 

     The Bay Ridge couple's high-decibel romancing drew a half-dozen complaint calls to the city's 311 line from neighbors rattled by sex that practically registered on the Richter scale. Neighbors identified the couple as a blonde woman living in a fourth-floor apartment and her boyfriend of two years, who works in the building as a handyman. The guy, who is 25-years-old, was stunned by the news, insisting he and his girlfriend were no noisier than anyone else in the building, or the city. I was actually going to say that this is New York City, which has lots of loud noises; is it possible that this couple is louder than the noises of the city that never sleeps? The handyman says, "I don't think it's true. Other people male louder noises. Everyone has their own way."

     The handyman's pregnant partner in crime says, "I'm in my own apartment. I'm not hurting anybody. They are going about it the wrong way." The angry callers from inside the Ridge Boulevard building detailed heavy-duty canoodling conducted with the windows open at 4 a.m. at an ear splitting volume between October and December 2014. Police have not been able to verify the noise complaint because every time they arrive, the couple is done. Shah said, "They go for 15 minutes at a time or sometimes more. They are having a good time."

     According to DNAinfo.com, citywide, there were 133 complaints received on the 311 line from New Yorkers upset about their neighbors' booming sexual encounters. Brooklyn topped that list with 42 calls and Queens followed with 37 calls and the Bronx with 31. All I have to say about this is that it happens. It's natural behavior. People want to have sex with each other and you can't stop that. What is complaining to police going to do except nothing because they're not breaking any laws. They're just loud. Turn your TV or radio up if you don't like it. Yeah, 4 a.m. does suck to be woken up by some sexual moans, but it is what it is. If anyone should be embarrassed it should be the blonde and her handyman. In fact, if I lived in that building and I saw the handyman, I might give him a round of applause for an excellent performance. Nothing could be more embarrassing than that.